Fully aware, fully conscious, beautifully aged, she reflects on her life.
One remaining sibling, and a son, most of her friends too, passed on or in poorer health too.
Over the years she shared stories of her life, from ,memories of the hard times her parents lived through to the uncertain times of which she did.. sure to always recognize her parents did their best to provide. She never blamed them for why her life turned out the way it did.
Cora was the all giving, all loving person. Putting others before herself. Sacrificing what needed to be to provide. As a younger Mom, she lost her husband to a bridge construction accident. She never remarried. She raised her son, the best she could. Worked three jobs to provide, never missed a football game or school event. Paid for his college.."dime by dime", so he could be a successful dentist.
As you are, some may watch all those around you die. I personally have one remaining uncle who has watch all his 8 siblings die. I can't imagine, yet in would imagine being the younger of 8, I may too.
As Cora spent time recalling good memories of her youth, she couldn't help remembering the not so good. The day when her son no longer called to check in, much like my daughter, he left home, and never looked back. You'd think, he's a dentist, wouldn't he fix his Mom's teeth? No, she supported the local doctor. She said, "it must not have occurred to my son to look at my teeth". Was he too busy? No. He simple estranged his Mom. She would reach out to him, in turn would feel like a bother, inconvenience. He would be impatient "Mom- I don't have time to talk", "I will call you when I have time." Well that time never came. It was my h the same with her siblings. None of them really talked or got along. They had their own things going on. Families to raise, jobs to contend with...life. the occasional famikybreunion would bring them together only to discover the awkward silence and distance that had taken place where families ties once remained.
Those family reunions, were funerals folks.
She knew her day would come...She knew her son wouldn't, nor would her sibling. She was correct. Yet she waited. She waited for the door to open and the curtain to show her son's face, her son's voice- with a "Mom, I'm here." No call, no text, nothing but silence. Can you imagine how it would feel to be her? While cancer my have damaged her body, she died of heartbreak. It's a thing. Look it up.
Cora shared memories of his childhood, she remember everything so vividly. She tell a story, I could create the scene in my head by her details. The year, his age, what he looked like, the season, the temp of the day, the weather in the moment, the event itself. She shared it all with a sense of joy and happiness, pride in who he was and the man he was becoming.
Here's my point.
Life is short. Shit happens. Regardless the time...we've all had a hard life in one way or another. Our parents did the best they could with what they had. If that's not good enough for you today, that you can't swallow your bullshit, the bs you've concocted in your own head, that you've blamed eveyone else for...labeled with all the fancy self serving self validating excuses of today...trauma, toxic, narcissist, let see what else, oh yes, helicopter, smother, oh wait those are from years ago...
If you can't make time for the Mom who didnt whip your ass with a belt when she probably should have, spun your head when you cursed to her face...if you can't get off your high horse, chip on your shoulder entitled attitude and see your Moms dying face....oh dude what you have to look forward to.
That goes for everyone else out there too...
I get it that physical abuse is a thing, verbal abuse is a thing...mental abuse is a thing. That's can leave life lasting memories based on what was experienced. Do you feel validated by labling the person?
Let's see, the helicopter Mom, or Dad...the parent that smoother the child, or or...how about the Mom who won't let the kid make decisons... today, the validation behind the narcissist parent label or toxic parent...gives the kid the excuse to say and put it out there that my parent wasn't good enough for me so therefore for fuck you , see yah, bye, I'm gone. No thanks Mom for working three jobs to send me though college debt free..no thanks Mom for sleepless evenings for the football games, and work after. No thanks for drive home when he was too drunk to drive. No thanks Mom for the money she left under the cup after cleaning his house...not one thanks. Ever..
Cora stopped thinking she'd ever get any thanks for trying to be a good parent the best way she knew how. Or any kind of assurance- Mom, you did a good job...
Do we ever get that? In any role we play In another's life?
I will end with this, if you have a loved one out there aging....dying, and you haven't been through what the real shit "trauma" is, get over your self serving need for validation of labels in your own fucked up decisions, and have some respect for those who did their best to raise you. Stop blaming and shaming the parent that only tried to love you for the stories you've created, and choose to believe..
And give that dying Mom, or Dad the peace they need to leave this incredibly fucked world. Would it kill you to put your shit aside and be the grown ass adult you are and be present?
I've known some very righteous, self centered people in my day, the generations of today don't even know what those words mean, they're to concerned with toxic...wait till your kids label you.
Most parents goal is to be better and do better then how they were raised.
I know that was mine. I know that was Cora's, Marcie's, Mary's, Frank's, Marlene, John's, and the list goes on...Yet most every parent enters into damnation based on the definition of their child.
I joined the ranks with that too, like all the other parents, completely abandoned by the kids they gave birth to and raised no where close to the perfection the kid required.