Time goes by so fast. Especially when you are just sittin still and watching it all just go right on by. Not that that is a bad thing. Sometimes, sitting still, being quiet and just being an observer can be so revealing. You can actually take an objective stance and look, watch and listen with perspective that will show you perhaps what is really real. I think as humans living in the human construct, with the human condition- we can become dooped by what we "want to believe" versus what is real.
You've read how people often will create a version of a person in the heart or mind- that is simply an illusion. Its not reality - the only place it is real is in your imagination. We all do it, this is how we over look another's flaws, or the things perhaps that make a person less desirable, or likable OR because you want to be with that person so much - that you actually pick and choose what characteristics, mannerisms, behaviors, and the list goes on - about that person - to suit your needs of what you need from that person to fill the voids in your own life. It ain't gonna work out well. I promise.
After you've done all this- person after person - willfully - you begin to learn it really can be a path of destruction, pain and misery. Eventually you learn to accept people for who they are - without changing that person in your mind - and that my reader is when you can discern whether or not that person is allowed - whether you give -that person permission to be within your circle. If you can be patient and just observe..people will first be uncomfortable with your silence and observing. You'll be perhaps called quiet, isolated, reserved, living in a shell - this makes those with the most to hide, the most insecure - very uncomfortable. They don't want you to see what they are really all about. They don't want you to see their flaws, weaknesses...but guess what - it'll be obvious.
Loud, need to be center of attention, all to often - copathetic liars, these folks exaggerate with ease, the deflect blame, never accountable for their own actions, first ones to call you crazy, steal your worth and degrade your value. They are always the dictim..the dick playing the victim while making you the villain in their story - failing to include which page and chapter they created you in.
They know not what they do -says some. I say - NO, they know exactly what they are doing. Its the only defense mechanism they have because they are so insecure in their very existence - they have to be the dick, be the tough guy or bad girl, whatever - they are not confident enough to be anything else. Other than an emmy winning golden globe actor/actress. Some of the fakest people you'll ever meet. Chances are - you'll never know the real person. The secrets they hold - are the skeletons in the closet - those bones you hear rattling when its quiet. Listen.
In five ten maybe 15 minutes of conversation with these folks - you'll know. Ask an open ended question - a question that most people would answer the same. Is the answer short? Long? Exaggerated? Out right lie? Watch when the person answers the question - where are they looking, what are they doing, tone, talking slow, fast, hesitant? Posturing? Attitude? Gestures, facial expressions speak volumes.
Ask a generic question about relationships - not a specific relationship - just relationships in general. watch, listen. Question answered directly or indirectly? Or is it answered at all?
Ask who the most important person is in that persons life...hang on to your hat. And ask "why" to whatever that answer is.
Ask what is your greatest strength, then greatest weakness. Watch, by now you should see patterns in it all. Try interrupt too - do you get talked over? Count how many "I"' statements you hear.
Ask something completely off course - do you have a plant? Obviously the answer is yes or no. If yes, ask what kind. Easy or challenging to care for. If no, ask if they have a pet. The meaning - of this question is critical. This is merely one question in this category of who a person really is.
Have a friend or family member of the opposite gender walk up and address you while your with that person. Watch the reaction of that person. Offended? Offensive? Posturing? Open? Closed? What's that face say? Does he or she say anything ? Polite? Rude? Confident? Sheepish? Gestures? This is a gage to what could be their true emotions. HOWEVER - be aware their are really good actors out there. It could all be fake - to manipulate you and the situation.
If your out in public - how do they interact with others? How does that person interact with you and others? There's the first could be flag.
Ask what their opinion is of something that is important to you, or something you've experienced - delving deeper into that persons values, beliefs, challenges.
IT ALL MEANS SOMETHING! The tube of you has numerous tools to utilize in how determine the meaning of it all. Its a matter of how much time you want to invest in analyzing people. The payoff is less time wasted on people who should not be in your circle.
Lets discuss you. Do you have expectations? Standards? Do you or are you settling for less? Why? Those are your insecurities and or fears. Then, you might ask yourself why are you settling for less? Are not not worthy of more or what you want or need? What are you afraid of? There is nothing wrong with a small circle. Or of even being alone.
Do your own self analysis. Ask yourself the same questions you ask that other person. Are the answers compatible? Would you know if they were not compatible? You know the difference between right and wrong - so you should know whether the answer to the question is a fit or not. Why would you cave to accept less?
I encourage you if you haven't already to make a list of what your expectations and or standards are and don't settle for less. Refer to that list often to make sure your not settling for less, not caving because all those feel good chemicals are pumping through out your body. If you are - your creating a version of the person that is NOT real. Your addicted to the chemicals, not the person. Your ID, EGO and Super Ego are all at war.
The work of it all is why so many choose to be alone. Its easy to be at peace and be alone versus dealing with the fake folks out there, wasting time you don't have per say to waste.
I will end with this - if someone can not handle you for who you are, honest authentic person, let them find less. That person is not worth losing yourself over or your time. It doesn't matter what the relationship is. You deserve to be loved or liked they way you want and need to be. If they don't measure up - cut em loose and save yourself the stupidity of it all.
Lets keep it all legal and consensual.
The world is full of actors, actresses, manipulators, insecure dictims - its a tough place to navigate. My hats off to those who fight the fight. I'm glad I don't have to. I have FOUND all I need and want. Happily ever after. Forever does exist baby.